How to Kill a Crayon

5.27.02 INT. 450 SIEGFRIED, ADAM’S BED, THE ASSCRACK OF DAWN

i woke up last night hang­ing halfway out of my bed (head­first) with my eyes stuck togeth­er with gunk and my tongue fused to the roof of my mouth since all mois­ture in my mouth had evap­o­rat­ed. i had been hav­ing a nor­mal dream in which i was read­ing a pam­phlet enti­tled “How to Kill a Cray­on,” com­plete with dia­grams and pic­tures show­ing the end result of the “ter­mi­nat­ed wax mod­ule.” (even in my dreams the per­son­al nature of death is obscured by bureau­crat­ic jar­gon). any­way, i walked down the hall and drank about a half gal­lon of water then returned to my nest to com­plete my night’s rest. i think my dream is relat­ed to my cur­rent read­ing, which is all about how to live your life and kill peo­ple with a katana (i think i want to be a wan­der­ing samu­rai or ronin). not because i want to kill peo­ple (or crayons) but because i think it is sexy (like pre­tend­ing to be the Ter­mi­na­tor is sexy). (i like paren­the­ses).

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