Her Room

i went over to her room last night and watched her pack a lit­tle and drank some wine. it did­n’t take much con­vinc­ing to get her to stop and come sit on the futon by me. we talked, i bab­bled, things were slight­ly awk­ward but so very slight­ly it was only notice­able if you looked for it. we lis­tend to some U2, some cran­ber­ries and much Smash­ing Pump­kins. our legs brushed against each oth­er. we talked more and she told me about why she and her old boyfriend split. a whole year ago! and i knew noth­ing until it was too late. last year when we had both been hor­ri­bly depressed we could have helped each oth­er. we talked more as Adore played and sud­den­ly she asked me what my favorite Pump­kins song was. as i turned to look at her, she was so close to me that my eyes could­n’t focus on her face. i want­ed to kiss her then, but did­n’t. did she want me to kiss her? we read some­thing about our zodi­ac com­pat­i­bil­i­ties. we are both scor­pios, and for the most part we fit the bill with our per­son­al­i­ties, dark and ever-chang­ing. it appeared from read­ing the book that the only good match for a scor­pio is a pisces. every­thing else destruc­ts due to scor­pi­o’s desire for con­trol or some­thing. pisces are sub­mis­sive i guess. we both agreed that we did­n’t want some­one we could walk over but an equal instead. the scorpio/scorpio match men­tioned some­thing along those same lines, that the dark pas­sions would either meld seam­less­ly or the exact oppo­site. i think we were both think­ing about how well we get along togeth­er. at least i know i was. as we lis­tend to by starlight, and dis­cussed how beau­ti­ful it was, the vis­it­ing hours end­ed i had to leave. we nev­er did kiss, though i most cer­tain­ly dreamed about it. i want­ed to give her a hug, but felt self-con­scious and gave her a high-five instead, which made my self-con­scious­ness bla­tant­ly obvi­ous. i miss her and too many oppor­tu­ni­ties. the wine was very good.