Null Set

i’ve done my part, but noth­ing has come of it. i have received no sign from her that she might be inter­est­ed in what i have to offer. i was a good friend, i helped her move out, i wrote to her in Spain, i wrote her a poem, i vis­it­ed her when she was sick, i lis­tened to her frus­tra­tions, i sent her flow­ers, i tried to woo.

i did­n’t get much feed­back. we just talked. she nev­er got close, nev­er flirt­ed back. i don’t see how she could not real­ize that i liked her. per­haps that was still the case, per­haps she did real­ize but was unin­ter­est­ed and decid­ed that pre­tend­ing to be igno­rant of my atten­tions was a good way to avoid it, per­haps she does real­ize, returns the feel­ing, but is scared like i was, per­haps she is not yet recov­ered from her last boyfriend. none of that mat­ters. i’ve been told to just tell these girls how i feel, but that is ter­ri­ble advice. its creepy to hear that, it scares girls off. i know.

i’ve made my effort, and have not even received a neg­a­tive response, no response def­i­nite­ly hurts less, but is even less con­struc­tive.

so i’m done. i wash my hands of the pur­suit of her. it hurts a bit because she is quite attrac­tive in so many ways, but with­out even the slight­est rec­i­p­ro­ca­tion on her part, i have no impe­tus to con­tin­ue.

no last­ing rela­tion­ship is a one way street. how long any­thing lasts with her, is now up to her. i’ve done more than my share.

I’ve faced the fath­oms in your deep
with­stood the suit­ors qui­et siege
pulled down the heav­ens just to please you
appease you
the wind blows and I know

I can’t go on, dig­ging ros­es from you grave
to linger on, beyond the beyond
where the wil­lows weep
and whirlpools sleep, you’ll find me
the coarse tide reflects sky

The Smash­ing Pump­kins, Behold! The Night Mare