If I could have a harem, these are the famous people that it would contain. Non-famous people have been omitted to protect my innocence.
- Judy Greer- She has played mostly small but important roles so far in What Women Want, Adaptation [briefly topless!], and The Wedding Planner. I love me a hot redhead.Winona Ryder- I don’t really know what all the big fuss was about when she shoplifted a few years ago. She had stolen my heart long before.Fiona Apple- She is some kind of sultry forbidden fruit. I think probably an apple.Laetitia Casta- Real Women Have Curves.Jennifer Garner- I’d like to engage in some covert operations with this redhead.Victoria Beckham- Sure she is married to a soccer-god. She also hasn’t met me.Elsa Benitez- I find it difficult to write anything about her because of all the drool that gets on the keyboard.Pen?lope Cruz- Tom Cruise needs to find a less attractive beard and free the lovely Pen?lope up for all us wolf-whistlers.Scarlett Johansson- In The Man Who Wasn’t There she looks so good it hurts.Anna Paquin- Just as hot as Ms. Johansson.Ir?ne Jacob- If you haven’t seen Trois couleurs: Rouge, do it tonight.Heidi Gluck and Freda Love- 2/3 of Some Girls, Phil gets Juliana Hatfield, but she doesn’t do it for me anyway.Sarah McLachlan- If you have seen the Adia video and the album art for her newest release, I need no justification.Ashley Judd- arghlarghlarghlarghlarghl.
The eunuch in charge of these girls would be Dwayne Douglas Johnson [He is gonna end up fat and hairless anyway]. Thank you for your waste of time.