Some things and what I miss about college.

i went to the Notre Dame Young Alum­ni Hap­py Hour last night and met a few oth­er grad­u­ates. typ­i­cal­ly, i was the youngest, but i’ve always got­ten along with those old­er than myself so it was no big deal. and now today i am dri­ving to south bend in approx­i­mate­ly two hours to see my team­mates fence for pos­si­bly the last time ever. the senior class this year is the one i am clos­est to. we all start­ed on the ND team at the same time. i’m a bit jeal­ous that they have had an extra year at it; since i walked-on as a sopho­more and they came in fresh as first years. i am also going to try to see a few of my non-team­mate friends. i don’t know if there is enough time this week­end to see them all. i’m only going to be there for a day and a half.

i real­ly miss col­lege. i miss my senior year; hav­ing my own room, hav­ing day after day a chance to learn and dis­cuss and improve phys­i­cal­ly and men­tal­ly. i miss the denoue­ment of feel­ing hot hard-water on my sweaty and aching body after fenc­ing prac­tice. i miss blast­ing music and sit­ting on my bed in the evening read­ing incom­pre­hen­si­ble film the­o­ry. i miss being the expe­ri­enced senior and pass­ing on my wis­dom of din­ing-hall mis­chief and the intri­ca­cies of the quar­ter-dog. i miss being required to watch three movies a week that i had nev­er heard of before. i miss going to the Grot­to when it is frickin cold and hav­ing my gloves freeze to the rail. i miss not hav­ing any­thing to do but learn and strive and goof-off.

I don’t think a day and a half will be enough. I vague­ly wish I had picked up a gen­der stud­ies minor or tak­en anoth­er art class. I wish I had­n’t been so afraid to be open. I wish my fresh­man year and junior year had­n’t sucked so much. This day and a half will have to be enough for now.