Today I am feeling like I am a failure. I am also feeling frustrated. My job is unfulfilling and a dead end. My Cleveland friends have either moved away or my behavior has driven them away. I know virtually no one my age, and while I find it easy to talk to people I don’t make new friends. I am filled with false pride and uncertainty. I feel that I am not doing anything to make a positive difference in anyone else’s life. I am ashamed of my immature and shallow behavior with old friends and women and my impatience with people who don’t match my expectations. I am feeling trapped and left behind as I see people my own age becoming more and more successful and apparently happy.
I know that I don’t have to judge my own worth based on the lives of other people. I know that, materially, I have things much better than the vast majority of humanity. I know that I am the only person who can be an agent of change for my life. But I am tired of being strong for myself. I can’t find peace in emptiness. But, I’m sure I’ll get over this. That’s just how I feel today. No one likes a whiner. I do feel a little better now.
And don’t call me, mom. *rolls eyes*
Adam,
I read this twice because I feel exactly the same as you do, word for word but resilience is going to show its face again…I hope for you and me.
Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.
Give me a call and we’ll grab coffee…
Fine, don’t let yo mama worry about yo ass ‑cries-
If you can find a way to NY, burgers and beer on me.
Otherwise, sorry to hear things are going so shitty. From the sound of the comments on this blog though, I think you have more friends than you’re thinking you do.
everyone is human; no one is perfect. if you feel you’ve made mistakes learn from them and then move on. everyone makes mistakes, but no one can turn back time. the thing that is important for me to remember when i feel this way (the bit about not knowing anyone my own age, and having a hard time making friends REALLY hit home) — is that these are feelings and they will pass — don’t let them own you. don’t be afraid to seek out help if they lnger too long…
Poor thing! What you need is go out with Foodgoat & me for a big, juicy burger. Burgers fix all.