It was almost death by vehicular homicide this morning on the way to work. I was cut-off almost side-swiped by a bumper-sticker ribbon-magnet engulfed old-school Chevrolet Suburban. Only my lightning reflexes and good brakes saved me from being sardined into the median wall. Since I was only the distance to the front of my car from the bumper of the offender I had a perfect view to read some of the stickers which included [I kid not]:
• In case of Rapture this car will be unmanned.
— Based on the driver’s skill, for a brief moment I thought that the Rapture had actually happened.
• God is my co-pilot.
— Yeah, sure. And Satan rides shotgun with me. [which is actually another bumper sticker]
• God Provides.
— And if he doesn’t I’ll run you over in my Giant Truck™!
• Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.
— She had the Random and Senseless down…
• Support Our Troops.
— By driving a 30-year old vehicle that could only pass an eCheck with divine intervention.
After she passed the semi, going about 2 mph faster than it [˜67mph], I managed to pass her. I didn’t flip her off though, that would have been unChristian.
Last year I got cut off by a driver in a grey Honda Element with a bumper sticker that read: Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
LOL.
As if I need one other thing to worry about you!!!!!
Thanks for driving safely!
I once had an incident with someone behaving contrarily to the ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ on her bumper sticker. However, I am not Christian, so I had no problem whatsoever with flipping her off. And stomping on the back bumper of her beat-up car. And screaming choicely and carefully constructed opinions about her behavior, bumper-sticker, and hairstyle.
Glad to hear you survived. Death by Suburban is one of the worst ways to go.
The wheel of samsara is gonna catch up to you for that.
How do you know I wasn’t the wheel of samsara catching up to her?
Well, that’s why its a wheel, right? The only way out is to rise above.
/undocumented immigrant buddha
My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
Read My Inaugural Address
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thank GOD i got new brakes yesterday.