The day after I got the keys to my house the pre­vi­ous own­er showed up unex­pect­ed­ly and invit­ed him­self inside. He’s an old Lebanese dude, and very attached to the house. I prob­a­bly could have got­ten $5k less on the price if they had­n’t felt so sen­ti­men­tal about the place. Any­way, this guy told me he’d show me what the keys were for. I told him that I had it under con­trol but he was rather insis­tent. So we went inside. I thought he was going to tell me to get the hell out of his house, or punch me when he saw that all the car­pet was gone. He was seri­ous­ly offend­ed.

“Why did you tear up the car­pet!?”

“I want wood floors.”

“It was less than three years old!”

*indif­fer­ent silence*

He then pro­ceed­ed to grab all the keys and show me what went where. Amy got my friend Sandy on the phone and she pre­tend­ed to be my land­lord so we could get rid of the dude. Amy was great at ush­er­ing him out. I’m just not assertive enough at stuff like that. I feel rude. Hope­ful­ly he won’t be com­ing back all the time. I’m cer­tain­ly going to change all of my locks though. He prob­a­bly saved a set, since there were about 30 keys on the kitchen counter when I got the place. The last thing I want is to come home from work to find him loung­ing in my liv­ing room.