Category: Memories

The night before last was near­ly sleep­less for me. Typ­i­cal­ly I have almost com­plete con­trol over what I dream about, even unto night­mares. Yet Mon­day night, I had quite uncom­fort­able dreams, and I am not cer­tain why they were so uncom­fort­able. Every dream I had, and when ever and where ever it took place, my best friend friend from high school and the first per­son I ever fell for, J, appeared. She was­n’t as I remem­ber her from HS, she was 4 years old­er, pret­ti­er and even more quixot­ic. Like some sort of arche­typ­al fig­ure. The dreams were all stan­dard fair, noth­ing tawdry, but invari­ably J would turn up, act in a com­plete­ly nor­mal way, and freak me out every time. I would always wake myself up imme­di­ate­ly after she asked a per­fect­ly innocu­ous ques­tion.

At the Fair — Have you rid­den the Fer­ris Wheel?
At my home — How have you been?
On the street — Do I have some­thing on the back of my coat?
etc. ad infini­tum

I’m not sure what this night of cracked dream­ing means. It could mean that I still have unre­solved feel­ings toward J. She could be noth­ing more than the best sym­bol my mind could come up with to rep­re­sent what­ev­er it is that I am anx­ious about at this time. It could mean some­thing else entire­ly. I just don’t know. First I need to fig­ure out what is per­co­lat­ing in the recess­es of my mind. Then I’ll have a bet­ter idea I think. If you have any ques­tions or need clar­i­fi­ca­tions ask, because I am sure they will help me fig­ure some of this out.